Seriously, thank God for music.
I just got out of a rehearsal that was really stressful. By the time we done and I was on the train my brain just wasn’t working. I felt stressed and like I was suddenly nowhere with this character and that I was suddenly not going to have enough time to really do everything. I was panicking. My brain felt like all that was there was static and that was stressing me out because I needed my brain to focus on what the problem was and…
Well you get the idea, my brain was all over the place.
I took a breath and put on some music. Continue reading
“… Finding my rhythm within Shakespeare’s words again is a little like putting on a jacket you haven’t worn in a very long time. It has stiffened in places and you’ve grown out of the sleeves and it smells a bit musty but after a good wash and a little tailoring, and wearing it down in all the right places so it fits just the way you like it and its new again. Better even. We’re not at that place yet. Still smells a but musty…” – Shakespeare Shakedown: Midsummer Nights Dream, rehearsal journal 2 (1/10/2013)
Acting really is a drug.
I mean, when we talk about a performance high we aren’t kidding, it is a high. And it isn’t just from performances. I just got out of a rehearsal that left me so jazzed, my brain and my body just tingling, I couldn’t stop talking the whole way home. To anyone: cast mates, strangers, myself. When we say that you don’t become and actor because you want to, you become one because you half to, that might just be the junkie in us all at the first step of a 12 step program, admitting we have a problem.
Hi. My name is Thomas. And I’m addicted too this feeling.
I’m addicted to the way it makes my toes feel in my feet, the way it makes my brain light up.
I’m addicted to the energy boost and the lightening of my mood.
The way I’m so jazzed I can’t stop moving, I may start dancing, I may start singing or jabbering or flying, I may do anything.
I can do anything.
My name is Thomas and I’m addicted to performing.
And this addiction is real. I have to get my fix. Be it from writing or singing or acting or just telling a joke at a party. I feel it. A deep need. It’s why I fall into such a deep depression when it is gone. Why that emptiness is so potent because when I have it I feel so full with life, with purpose, with being.
With this drug. Acting.
I guess there are addictions that are worse, but some that are healthier too. And while I wouldn’t necessarily say I have a problem… I have something.
I’m ready for my close up.